Engaged & Enamored Amber Riley Speaks On Her Finding Her Soul Mate
Amber told XoNecole that she actually first saw DeSean Black on their website and was so enamored by him that she slid in his DMs. She didn’t say much, however, just a simple “hi” and let DeSean take the lead.
It’s unclear how long they’ve been dating, but what is clear is that the future Mrs. DeSean Black is ecstatic about their engagement and sharing their love story.
The actress/songstress who’s promoting her self-titled debut EP, RILEY, also shared that she made the first move just to “make herself seen” and the convo flowed from there into one about science.
“xoNecole] had posted him and I don’t know if he was a Man Crush Monday – I don’t know what he was,” said Amber. “When I saw his picture, I was like, “Oh my God, he’s such a handsome man.” I believe I followed him that night, and I remember scrolling through my Instagram, I saw his picture, and I was like, “Who is this guy? I don’t remember following him.” He was on my timeline and I was like, “Hmmm, I’m gonna say hi,” and I did. I literally just said, “Hey DeSean, how are you?” in his DMs.
Clearly, that initial leap of faith paid off, good for her!
“I’ve also been much bolder this year about dating and putting myself out there. A lot of people don’t want to put themselves out there because they fear rejection. I’m not a special case so if the person that you’re interested in is interested in you, then they’re gonna respond in that way. A lot of women say, “I don’t want to be thirsty going into a guy’s DMs,” but I wasn’t thirsty and I wasn’t chasing him. I just made myself seen and I made sure that he saw me and it went on from there. In our first conversation, we were talking about science, brains, and nerdy s***.”
Her Advice to Women Who Are Scared To Slide In The DMs
Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there if you’re interested in someone. You don’t know the circumstances because some guys may be a little bit shy and you could be missing your opportunity to get an amazing friend. That could be the person that you’re gonna marry, the love of your life and you miss it all because of ego or pride. If the person doesn’t want you, that just means the person wasn’t for you but you’re just making yourself be seen or available to that person. Don’t think about it as chasing them. It’s basically saying, “the ball’s in your court.”
See more excerpts from her XoNecole interview on finding her soulmate below.
On How Self Love Played A Role In Her Finding Real Love
I’ve had my heart broken before and I dealt with rejection in different ways, but I think the self-love aspect really helped because I got to a point where I was like, “a person who did me wrong isn’t going to take away my opportunity to find love.” I deserve love. I deserve to be loved and you only realize that through self-love and the way that you treat yourself and knowing what it is that you have to offer.[..] I think I just got to that place where I was looking for the right thing, something substantial and not superficial, and willing to walk away if it’s not the right thing instead of fearing being alone and by myself. I’m comfortable being alone. That helped me make the right decision to be with the right person.
On Her Decision To Go Public With Her Engagement
This is the first relationship that I’ve been in that I feel is really healthy and I love him to pieces. [..] He’s really my best friend. We really worked on our friendship and respecting one another. He’s just a great man all around. I feel super blessed to have even met him and I’m blessed to even have his friendship. Nothing’s perfect obviously, but I wouldn’t want to go through the ups and downs of life with anybody else.
That can be a very hard thing for Black women. Unlike other cultures, Black women aren’t always raised to understand that you’re the prize, and not raised to understand that you don’t have to carry all the load by yourself. Vulnerability and trust is a thing that I work on all the time because it wasn’t something I was taught or was demonstrated to me as a Black woman. I was taught to take care of your own, make sure that you’re good, make sure that you’re strong, you don’t have time to cry, you don’t have time to wallow, sadness is weakness – those are the things that I was taught.
On the Role Vulnerability Played In Her Finding Her Soulmate
Congrats to Amber and DeSean!
Now, I’m with a man that is a leader and I trust him, and that’s hard. Vulnerability was equal to weakness to me. With vulnerability, you do have to be comfortable with the person that you’re with seeing your imperfections, your flaws, and your failures – and that can be a very tough thing. I have that thick cap where I wanted to be perceived as a whole person and this strong Black woman, but that doesn’t work. Relationships don’t work without that vulnerability because if there is no vulnerability, there is no trust.